Bubba

Bubba is one of our office salespeople who I still see now and again. He's a complete barhopper and loves going to strip joints - so I thought I'd add some comic relief to this blog and tell you about his experience.

Bubba left his wife for about six weeks in search of fun. She didn't care, he always came back, and most of the time, he was disease free and hadn't run up his credit cards. It was on this particular jaunt to Galveston, that stretch of highway with a long row of strip joints and XXX movie theatres. He went to three or four and found himself shitfaced at about 8pm having lapdances over and over with the same skinny old hooker.

"Oh honey, you're just beautiful! I ain't never seen someone so good-looking as you!" He goes on and on and begs her to show up for lunch the next day. And the next day, it was on.

Bubba gets up early, hangover or not he remembers that girl and can't wait to see her. In she staggers, to the restaurant they've chosen; old shoes, gray hair, bad teeth, and deep wrinkles.

Bubba gets up, says "You're old, and ugly.. I don't want nothin to do with this." and he goes out to his truck and drives off.

I wish he had gotten all that on film..

Living In The Past, Part II

Since doing my last post, I've heard from a lot of guys who read my blog (interoffice) who have had exactly the same experience. They hate it when their wives or girlfriends go on and on about how much fun they had with some guy. It's like a favorite topic of these women; they cannot see that it does incredible damage to a relationship.

Of course women don't see a problem, and frankly, don't care.

They are in love with love, reading, travel, good food, brief affairs with dirtbags, and of course their pets and children. Memories are more important than what is happening right now, and women love memories and the feelings they bring.

A guy that gets them drunk, then into bed, and has fun with them for two weeks before disappearing is a much happier memory. All they recall is the fun and falling in love. The guy who sticks around and has to work on the relationship; the give and take and so forth - he doesn't mean nearly as much as the short-term guy. That's why she remembers him so fondly, and the guy who sticks around is not nearly as exciting.

Apparently, this is a HUGE problem for guys who would rather bail on the relationship rather than continue hearing about how wonderful Mike was, or Greg, or Chris, or Aaron, or Rob. If she wants to endlessly talk about the guys that used her for sex and dumped her, she can do that with her girlfriends.

Now in my dating life, I ask questions to see where it goes. If I hear a lot of talk about some guy who was just incredible, wonderful, irreplaceable... then I move on quickly. It's just not worth the drama later on. From what I've heard, if she is into reliving memories daily, it takes about three years of a good relationship before she stops talking about how great it was to fuck all the dirtbags. If you are willing to wait up to three years for her to focus on you, then you have more staying power than I do. For most guys, it's just not worth it.

Living In The Past

Q: Agent 11, I have a girlfriend who seems to enjoy bragging about her past boyfriends. She dated this young attorney who from what I understand basically talked her into bed and fucked her for two weeks and then dumped her. They split up three years ago and she still talks about what a great guy he is - all these years later. He is mentioned at least three times a week.

But wait! It gets stupider. She also had a long-term boyfriend who did kitchen remodeling. She loved him and they almost got married. She talks about him daily and what a funny guy he was, and how she was so crushed when he dumped her. I ask her not to talk about him so much and she gets very offended and says I'm jealous.

Lately, she's been reliving memories of her first boyfriend Rick and how much she misses him. He died in a drunk driving accident (his fault) and not a day goes by without her having a quiet moment to remember him.

When we try to talk about this "living in the past" issue, she calls me a psycho and that I'm being hypersensitive. I tell her it's just a huge turnoff to have your girlfriend going on and on about past boyfriends. Am I being too sensitive or is she right in saying it's part of what she is, so she should talk about it?

A: You are still with this girl? Women who talk about other men to their current boyfriend or husband are not happy with the current partner. They miss something that the others gave her. In your case, it looks like she prefers the liars, cheaters and the reckless drunk driver. She likes bad boys only, and you don't fit the bill.

If it goes on more than a few weeks into the relationship, then you aren't filling her needs and she has to frequently go back into memories of other guys to feel satisfied. She's longing for the type of man she was always attracted to, and sadly, that ain't you.

My advice? Tell her you don't feel you can be in a relationship right now for whatever reason (depression, illness, boredom, anything...) and move on. She'll be back to the players and cheaters in no time, and you'll both be happier without each other.

Personal Space and Time

I've noticed something since I've been single for a while. I've noticed that I'm much more calm and focused. I'm able to work, to write and do things that I want to do. That isn't usually possible for me when I'm in an emotional/sexual relationship. When I do have a regular girlfriend, I seem to be doing a lot of things to make her happy, and a lot less things that make me happy.

For a time, I had a fantastic girlfriend that was very wealthy, but she would insist that I not work. She actually thought I would agree to being a kept man, so she tried to pressure me into not working. Of course, it would have meant an easy life with no financial worries, but it would have also meant that I would have been controlled.

A woman I was dating recently would cry at the end of dates. After going out for drinks and dinner, then a movie or tv and then sex, she would cry when I would go back to my place. It didn't make sense after it kept happening. I mean, it is understandable to be disappointed when someone doesn't stay overnight, but it's nutty to want to be together 24/7.

It's countless experiences like this that have changed my mind about relationships. I love women; the smell of them, the feel of them, the incredible shape of them. I really enjoy being with them, and everything about the experience; not just hanging out, but sex and arguing and being happy - you know, the whole experience. The difference is that I like having a place to go to when I need a break. I think a lot of men feel the same way I do, they want to have a place to go where they can collect their thoughts and have some personal space.

These days men are attacked for this impulse. They are laughed at for wanting a "man cave". It's nothing like wanting to withdraw from society. It's all about having some personal space where you can actually calmly think and be by yourself. Men don't want to do things that women want to do all the time; they don't want to be family men all the time. There has to be a release, a respite from the ordinary life. I think the absence of this makes it so much more appealing for men to cheat or have some secret double life that gives them some kind of adventurous experience.

The more men are denied personal space and time, the more they are going to fight commitment and relationships and continue being players and renegades.

Heather

Heather came into my life a few years ago and really knocked my socks off. This was a very athletic girl, somewhat short and stocky with big rounded breasts and a muscular butt. We were together about two weeks. She had a lot of emotional problems and needed to be in a relationship with a guy who would take care of her. Unluckily for her, I wasn't willing to take care of her and pay of her debts, etc.

We had a good time during a few weeks in the Summer. I was renting a nice place with a balcony out the back way. It overlooked a creek you could hear running from the inside of the house. I remember lying back with her on the bed. She loved getting rough and almost hitting and scratching. I warned her over and over again to knock it off, but she really belonged with someone a lot trashier who wanted to abuse her.

The reason I bring all this up?

Heather showed up a few nights ago. Of course I'm with Ashleigh now and having a good time with her. So, with Ashley away for a few days, I was poking Heather again which was really stupid. She gets to my emotions; not just because I care for her, because clearly I don't. I think it's because she needs someone, anyone, to take care of her and nobody is up for the job, which is why she goes from one guy to the next looking for someone to take care of her. It's pretty sad, and she'll be all used up, crazy and bitter when she finally meets someone who will put up with her. By then, he may not have the patience to do everything needed.

I guess that is why I'm averse to being in a relationship. I enjoy it when I find a girl who is willing to compromise, but most of the time they aren't. Most of the time they are always wanting to take charge, spend too much money, go on long vacations, etc. It's never about us, but mostly about her and how she looks to her friends. Oh well, I need to forget about Heather and move on. Still, it was difficult this time.

My One Time Being Fooled

Her name was Eve. We were chatting online and she seemed so normal; about my age, very easy-going and ready to enjoy a night out.

I arrive at a more than expensive place and see what I thought was this girl's mother. No, it was her. I sat down and told the waiter to wait. I asked her why she didn't tell me how old she was. Eve started getting nervous. She said, "I just flirt with men so they will take me out to dinner. Besides, I have a two-for-one coupon."

I don't enjoy getting scammed. That ended with me getting up and leaving. I did meet another girl under similar circumstances who admitted she lied about her weight. She was over 300 pounds and nasty looking. I told her I wasn't happy, but she was so funny, I agreed to have lunch with her and it was a memorable experience. Still, it's just so much better when they tell the truth up front.

Nice Guys Win in the End

I've seen lots of online discussion about the "nice guy" problem. While it's true that there are some guys who are so painfully nice that they cannot even get dates, there are a lot of decent guys who treat women with respect, who never meet women interested in a relationship, or even just a few days of sex.

These are the guys who work hard and try to do the right thing. They are always upstaged by the slick players and "life of the party" types. Women talk about these SFL (save for later) guys as if they are so cute in their cluelessness. These guys rarely have a chance with the really hot girls. Most of the time, the hot girls are humping away on the players, getting used and hurt, getting a sexually transmitted disease and basically being shit on by the players and liars.

The discussion about this always ends with a pep talk to the "nice guys". The women who are still fucking their way through the players and married cheaters tell the nice guys not to give up hope, that someday, something will happen for them and some girl will really like them.

The basic message is for you decent guys to "hang in there" so after she has sexually serviced all the guys who don't deserve her, you can take care of her and pay her bills, but don't expect much in the way of love or sex, she gave all the best of herself to guys who couldn't care less about her. Don't ever commit to a woman like this. I've dated these types, even lived with them, but when they press for commitment, I leave. They don't deserve someone who will be good to them if they've spent a lifetime getting hurt and betrayed.

It's not a matter of them making bad choices, they choose what they really want. They don't want you if you are a nice guy, they want the scumbags, so treat them that way. Have sex with them, then disappear after a few weeks. If you stick around and be kind to them, they won't know how to handle it.

Nice guys don't win in the end. They are the ones left over after the women have made many years of the worst possible choices. You are only there to help soothe her emotions - and heal her broken heart. You get almost nothing in return. She's given her best years to others, and her heart still beats for some guy who cheated on her or beat her up. That's the reality, nice guy, get used to it.