Bubba

Bubba is one of our office salespeople who I still see now and again. He's a complete barhopper and loves going to strip joints - so I thought I'd add some comic relief to this blog and tell you about his experience.

Bubba left his wife for about six weeks in search of fun. She didn't care, he always came back, and most of the time, he was disease free and hadn't run up his credit cards. It was on this particular jaunt to Galveston, that stretch of highway with a long row of strip joints and XXX movie theatres. He went to three or four and found himself shitfaced at about 8pm having lapdances over and over with the same skinny old hooker.

"Oh honey, you're just beautiful! I ain't never seen someone so good-looking as you!" He goes on and on and begs her to show up for lunch the next day. And the next day, it was on.

Bubba gets up early, hangover or not he remembers that girl and can't wait to see her. In she staggers, to the restaurant they've chosen; old shoes, gray hair, bad teeth, and deep wrinkles.

Bubba gets up, says "You're old, and ugly.. I don't want nothin to do with this." and he goes out to his truck and drives off.

I wish he had gotten all that on film..

Living In The Past, Part II

Since doing my last post, I've heard from a lot of guys who read my blog (interoffice) who have had exactly the same experience. They hate it when their wives or girlfriends go on and on about how much fun they had with some guy. It's like a favorite topic of these women; they cannot see that it does incredible damage to a relationship.

Of course women don't see a problem, and frankly, don't care.

They are in love with love, reading, travel, good food, brief affairs with dirtbags, and of course their pets and children. Memories are more important than what is happening right now, and women love memories and the feelings they bring.

A guy that gets them drunk, then into bed, and has fun with them for two weeks before disappearing is a much happier memory. All they recall is the fun and falling in love. The guy who sticks around and has to work on the relationship; the give and take and so forth - he doesn't mean nearly as much as the short-term guy. That's why she remembers him so fondly, and the guy who sticks around is not nearly as exciting.

Apparently, this is a HUGE problem for guys who would rather bail on the relationship rather than continue hearing about how wonderful Mike was, or Greg, or Chris, or Aaron, or Rob. If she wants to endlessly talk about the guys that used her for sex and dumped her, she can do that with her girlfriends.

Now in my dating life, I ask questions to see where it goes. If I hear a lot of talk about some guy who was just incredible, wonderful, irreplaceable... then I move on quickly. It's just not worth the drama later on. From what I've heard, if she is into reliving memories daily, it takes about three years of a good relationship before she stops talking about how great it was to fuck all the dirtbags. If you are willing to wait up to three years for her to focus on you, then you have more staying power than I do. For most guys, it's just not worth it.

Living In The Past

Q: Agent 11, I have a girlfriend who seems to enjoy bragging about her past boyfriends. She dated this young attorney who from what I understand basically talked her into bed and fucked her for two weeks and then dumped her. They split up three years ago and she still talks about what a great guy he is - all these years later. He is mentioned at least three times a week.

But wait! It gets stupider. She also had a long-term boyfriend who did kitchen remodeling. She loved him and they almost got married. She talks about him daily and what a funny guy he was, and how she was so crushed when he dumped her. I ask her not to talk about him so much and she gets very offended and says I'm jealous.

Lately, she's been reliving memories of her first boyfriend Rick and how much she misses him. He died in a drunk driving accident (his fault) and not a day goes by without her having a quiet moment to remember him.

When we try to talk about this "living in the past" issue, she calls me a psycho and that I'm being hypersensitive. I tell her it's just a huge turnoff to have your girlfriend going on and on about past boyfriends. Am I being too sensitive or is she right in saying it's part of what she is, so she should talk about it?

A: You are still with this girl? Women who talk about other men to their current boyfriend or husband are not happy with the current partner. They miss something that the others gave her. In your case, it looks like she prefers the liars, cheaters and the reckless drunk driver. She likes bad boys only, and you don't fit the bill.

If it goes on more than a few weeks into the relationship, then you aren't filling her needs and she has to frequently go back into memories of other guys to feel satisfied. She's longing for the type of man she was always attracted to, and sadly, that ain't you.

My advice? Tell her you don't feel you can be in a relationship right now for whatever reason (depression, illness, boredom, anything...) and move on. She'll be back to the players and cheaters in no time, and you'll both be happier without each other.

Personal Space and Time

I've noticed something since I've been single for a while. I've noticed that I'm much more calm and focused. I'm able to work, to write and do things that I want to do. That isn't usually possible for me when I'm in an emotional/sexual relationship. When I do have a regular girlfriend, I seem to be doing a lot of things to make her happy, and a lot less things that make me happy.

For a time, I had a fantastic girlfriend that was very wealthy, but she would insist that I not work. She actually thought I would agree to being a kept man, so she tried to pressure me into not working. Of course, it would have meant an easy life with no financial worries, but it would have also meant that I would have been controlled.

A woman I was dating recently would cry at the end of dates. After going out for drinks and dinner, then a movie or tv and then sex, she would cry when I would go back to my place. It didn't make sense after it kept happening. I mean, it is understandable to be disappointed when someone doesn't stay overnight, but it's nutty to want to be together 24/7.

It's countless experiences like this that have changed my mind about relationships. I love women; the smell of them, the feel of them, the incredible shape of them. I really enjoy being with them, and everything about the experience; not just hanging out, but sex and arguing and being happy - you know, the whole experience. The difference is that I like having a place to go to when I need a break. I think a lot of men feel the same way I do, they want to have a place to go where they can collect their thoughts and have some personal space.

These days men are attacked for this impulse. They are laughed at for wanting a "man cave". It's nothing like wanting to withdraw from society. It's all about having some personal space where you can actually calmly think and be by yourself. Men don't want to do things that women want to do all the time; they don't want to be family men all the time. There has to be a release, a respite from the ordinary life. I think the absence of this makes it so much more appealing for men to cheat or have some secret double life that gives them some kind of adventurous experience.

The more men are denied personal space and time, the more they are going to fight commitment and relationships and continue being players and renegades.

Heather

Heather came into my life a few years ago and really knocked my socks off. This was a very athletic girl, somewhat short and stocky with big rounded breasts and a muscular butt. We were together about two weeks. She had a lot of emotional problems and needed to be in a relationship with a guy who would take care of her. Unluckily for her, I wasn't willing to take care of her and pay of her debts, etc.

We had a good time during a few weeks in the Summer. I was renting a nice place with a balcony out the back way. It overlooked a creek you could hear running from the inside of the house. I remember lying back with her on the bed. She loved getting rough and almost hitting and scratching. I warned her over and over again to knock it off, but she really belonged with someone a lot trashier who wanted to abuse her.

The reason I bring all this up?

Heather showed up a few nights ago. Of course I'm with Ashleigh now and having a good time with her. So, with Ashley away for a few days, I was poking Heather again which was really stupid. She gets to my emotions; not just because I care for her, because clearly I don't. I think it's because she needs someone, anyone, to take care of her and nobody is up for the job, which is why she goes from one guy to the next looking for someone to take care of her. It's pretty sad, and she'll be all used up, crazy and bitter when she finally meets someone who will put up with her. By then, he may not have the patience to do everything needed.

I guess that is why I'm averse to being in a relationship. I enjoy it when I find a girl who is willing to compromise, but most of the time they aren't. Most of the time they are always wanting to take charge, spend too much money, go on long vacations, etc. It's never about us, but mostly about her and how she looks to her friends. Oh well, I need to forget about Heather and move on. Still, it was difficult this time.

My One Time Being Fooled

Her name was Eve. We were chatting online and she seemed so normal; about my age, very easy-going and ready to enjoy a night out.

I arrive at a more than expensive place and see what I thought was this girl's mother. No, it was her. I sat down and told the waiter to wait. I asked her why she didn't tell me how old she was. Eve started getting nervous. She said, "I just flirt with men so they will take me out to dinner. Besides, I have a two-for-one coupon."

I don't enjoy getting scammed. That ended with me getting up and leaving. I did meet another girl under similar circumstances who admitted she lied about her weight. She was over 300 pounds and nasty looking. I told her I wasn't happy, but she was so funny, I agreed to have lunch with her and it was a memorable experience. Still, it's just so much better when they tell the truth up front.

Nice Guys Win in the End

I've seen lots of online discussion about the "nice guy" problem. While it's true that there are some guys who are so painfully nice that they cannot even get dates, there are a lot of decent guys who treat women with respect, who never meet women interested in a relationship, or even just a few days of sex.

These are the guys who work hard and try to do the right thing. They are always upstaged by the slick players and "life of the party" types. Women talk about these SFL (save for later) guys as if they are so cute in their cluelessness. These guys rarely have a chance with the really hot girls. Most of the time, the hot girls are humping away on the players, getting used and hurt, getting a sexually transmitted disease and basically being shit on by the players and liars.

The discussion about this always ends with a pep talk to the "nice guys". The women who are still fucking their way through the players and married cheaters tell the nice guys not to give up hope, that someday, something will happen for them and some girl will really like them.

The basic message is for you decent guys to "hang in there" so after she has sexually serviced all the guys who don't deserve her, you can take care of her and pay her bills, but don't expect much in the way of love or sex, she gave all the best of herself to guys who couldn't care less about her. Don't ever commit to a woman like this. I've dated these types, even lived with them, but when they press for commitment, I leave. They don't deserve someone who will be good to them if they've spent a lifetime getting hurt and betrayed.

It's not a matter of them making bad choices, they choose what they really want. They don't want you if you are a nice guy, they want the scumbags, so treat them that way. Have sex with them, then disappear after a few weeks. If you stick around and be kind to them, they won't know how to handle it.

Nice guys don't win in the end. They are the ones left over after the women have made many years of the worst possible choices. You are only there to help soothe her emotions - and heal her broken heart. You get almost nothing in return. She's given her best years to others, and her heart still beats for some guy who cheated on her or beat her up. That's the reality, nice guy, get used to it.

I've Decided to Do It

I'm moving in with a girlfriend simply because she is wealthy. I don't really love her, but I do enjoy her company. She's wealthy beyond belief and I think it might be a good idea to land there for a while until I get my income back up over six figures.

Most of the time I wouldn't recommend doing this, as a lot of women become very controlling and possessive and want to dictate what you do every day. It can become a major hassle and there are not a lot of people who will respect you. The sex? I don't know, it can seem like a chore, but everything else is good. I wonder if I should complete my novel?

It is based on my years of being a con-artist, and I am very prolific writer if not a very good one. It could be interesting...

Anyway, just random posts for a while. Have to pay some bills. Keep the faith.

The Texter... And Other News

I have an old hookup that won't take me off her text messenger list. For some reason, my Yahoo messenger won't allow me to block her out, so I guess I'm stuck with her daily texts for now. She keeps sending me messages about how she never had an orgasm until me, which I don't believe, just thinking she wants to get together again.

In other news, the texter was irritating me until another text popped in from Emma, a great hookup from a few months ago. She was hurt that I didn't call her back and has been waiting for me to call. So, I called, and we are booked for dinner tonight.

I really like her, but I think I'm getting into a situation where she wants to be with me in a relationship, but I'm just not doing that now. Too many people are still just doing the hookup thing for me to take any woman seriously.

Oh well, that's it for now. Have a good weekend.

Yes, OK, I Recommend Condoms

Most of my six readers give me a hard time about my crazy single life. I admit I'm just having fun with women, and the majority of them know I'm not serious about ever wanting a relationship. I'm not being serious at all. Still, I have to recommend using protection. I've never had an STD and I'm not about to expose myself to one. Use condoms and try to get to understand how trashy or how clean your partners are. Most people are nasty, so be careful.

I only had one scare with no-condom sex. I was with this Jewish girl and woke up the next day with a big knot right next to my dick. I was so angry. I thought she had given me herpes. It was a small town and I told everyone I knew that XXXXX had given me herpes. Well, she hadn't. The doctor looked at it and told me it was a spider bite. I'd never been so relieved in my life.

Close call, I know... Wear condoms, it can save you a lot of headaches.

The Wrong Kind of Girl

Hailey is the kind of girl you wish there were millions of when you are young. I met Hailey on an online service - you know the kind where you are too lazy to get out and meet people so you go online.. Yep, that's what I did.

Anyway, so I meet Hailey for a late date after dinner and we just split a bottle of wine and talk. She's short and stocky but with great tits and a perfectly formed butt. We must have had two glasses of wine when we start kissing. We are watching Death Sentence with Kevin Bacon, and I'm into the movie...but, but, okay - so we go back to the bedroom and all her clothes are off very quickly. I think to put on a condom, she was trashy and we had the best sex I can remember. She was so into it, and got off just watching me get off underneath her. Her legs were so short she had to sort of squat over me and spin on top of me. It was almost too intense - like the kind of sex you have when you have a headache afterwards.

She's texted me about five times today so I think I'll see her again this weekend. It was fun, but I think I need to back away from this one pretty quickly...or maybe not.

Nice Guys Beware!!

I've learned in the dating world that if you are a nice guy type; meaning not a cheater, player or liar, then you have your own set of problems. My dating plan is just to have fun. I've been in a traditional marriage and didn't cheat. I was honest and cooperative and realized I married someone who only cared about money and being able to stop working immediately.

If you treat women with respect and be honest with them, they will very often "play" you. They will let rotten guys get away with everything. They will forgive the cheating, the emotional abuse, even physical abuse. But as a "nice guy" you can't slip up one time. If you have to suddenly cancel a date for business reasons, she will be furious, but she will forgive the jerk for cheating. If you wear the wrong suit to her sister's wedding, she will hate you, but she'll forgive the jerk for giving her a black eye.

Remember also that she had sex with Mr. Jackass on the second date, and you had to do the stupid courtship thing for week after week.

Don't let her do this to you. If you aren't having sex by the 3rd or 4th date, dump her. If she uses emotion to manipulate you, and you find yourself going to parties you hate, or not able to work as much because of her demands on your time, you might want to move on to a new woman, or even take a break for a while.

Of course, if you act like a player, and behave in a way that seems like you just don't care, she will respect you a whole lot more. Just be careful. If she has learned to be in relationships with assholes, she plays hardball. Nice guys get fucked over when battle-hardened women are involved.

They Are More Wild Than You Are

The one thing I've learned in my dating life is that women sleep around as much as men do. In my single years, I've always gotten into bed very early with women who had just gotten out of a relationship with another guy. It's always the same, we go on three dates, then I tell them I like them as a friend, but clearly we aren't ever going to have sex. On the very next date, we are in bed together. Usually, I find out later that two weeks before we met, they were screwing someone else. Of course they won't tell you this...

Anyway, you'll learn that lots of women after a certain age are dying to have sex as often as possible, even with guys that they would never have dreamed of dating when they were younger. This is why I'm not serious about any woman I date. They are so beat up emotionally and mentally, that it's best just to have sex, have fun, and then when things start to turn into a relationship, it's time break things off.

It's sad, but it's true. It used to be that women didn't fuck every guy to buy them a drink, but that's the way it is now (or close to it). I've taken home over 20 women in the last six years for one-nighters, as well as having four close long-term relationships. Back in the old days, women held out for a long time to make sure the guy was sincere. That doesn't happen now. If they've screwed around with a lot of guys, it just means no guy is special to them.

Remember to have fun, but don't commit unless you are absolutely certain she really is a good girl. Have fun, move on.

Dating Someone With Children, NO!!!

As my readers know, I was married for a great number of years, and had a very traditional marriage. I have a daughter from that marriage who is very intelligent and mild mannered. We get along as well as two grown adults. She is very perceptive and intelligent and I never have to call her out on any behavior.

When I've dated women with children of a similar age, the children are always horribly behaved. They are very nearly depraved. They tell lies, they make false accusations against men they don't want their mothers dating, and the end result is always destructive. I've had discussions with such women, but have only slipped up and started sleeping with one just once. Once was all I needed. When the daughter was introduced to me, the father suddenly flipped out and went to the police to issue an amber alert. The police came to my house and interviewed me. Nothing happened, of course, but I learned the hard way that dating a woman with a child is dangerous.

My daughter asked what all the fuss was about. I explained to her that lots of people cannot manage their own lives, and so police and social workers are often called in to sort out the mess. I haven't seen that woman again, and she was upset that I broke things off, but sometimes people have to face the reality that their children probably need to be given up - if they are so badly behaved that everyone's life goes "on hold" until they grow up and go away.

Do not date anyone with a child, unless the child lives with the father most of the time. Wait, that's not even a safe plan - just don't date anyone with children unless they are grown up and have moved on.

Where Are All the Nice Guys?

Here is a quick overview to let you know what women really want.

1. For sex or a short-term relationship, women want a player. They want a guy who is confident, flatters them, or gets drunk with them. Nice guys can score with women all the time. Just keep dating and keep moving until they give in. It's just a numbers game as far as sex. To increase your chances, be confident, get into conversations and relax around women.

2. For relationships and marriage, women want a jerk. They want someone to order them around and be firm with them. Sex isn't so important. Women want a guy who knows he is in charge and that she is subordinate. Never believe the lies that women want a nice, egalitarian relationship. It doesn't work. I've been in relationships that always had tension or didn't work out because I'm easygoing and it's not important for me to always be in charge. Most women need this. They need a man who shouts and slams doors, rarely does chores and insists on always being in charge, especially when he is wrong about something.

3. If you are a "nice guy", you will have to find a woman who is just as easy-going as you are. If you find a traditional woman, she won't respect you in a relationship. They always want the arrogant and aggressive guys in marriage. That means lots of nice guys can simply use women for short-term relationships then move on.

I know it's a little strange when our educational system tries to pound the masculinity out of boys, drugging them with Ritalin and putting them in behavioral classes. Don't take the wrong lesson from life. Women want any guy with a smile and a drink in their hand for sex. For marriage or a relationship, he has to be a traditional dominating man, or the marriage won't last - or worse, it will be sexless, joyless and empty.

So much better to stay single I'd say.

Dating Disasters

Most of us who have been "out there" know that a lot of women are not really fit to be in a relationship. For many reasons, they are good candidates to pump and dump - if you know what I mean. Of course, that can be a good thing. I like dating the high-powered career chick types because they always seem to let their ego get in the way of being happy. This means we have a great time having sex and they get to fall in love again, then I leave when they try to take control or push me around.

Here are some of my wonderful dating disasters with high-powered career chicks:

• I agreed to meet a good-looking English girl on a date as long as it wasn't too crowded. I showed up at the place and it was a tourist trap, a huge coffee shop with easily 300 people inside and out. I never found her. Later, she complained that I didn't look long enough.
• I dated a woman for a month who was great in bed and we really had fun, but her ex-boyfriend called about four times a day and she couldn't stop talking about him. That became tiresome quickly.
• Another one had been dumped by a friend-with-benefits. He got married and moved away. I dated her for three weeks, but she was still hung up on him and talked about him every single day.
• I dated a Jewish girl who never watched television, never caught the news, just watched old DVD movies over and over. Her entire life was spent talking about her wonderful life as the ex-wife of a guy who ran a pawn shop. That didn't last.

The wonderful thing about these girls is that they have such a big ego, they do the work for you. If they are so important, and you are so small and insignificant, then these are the ones where it is appropriate to break up by email, text, or letter. You don't have to do all that drama of breaking up in person after two weeks of hot sex.

Chicks with Dogs

The great thing about the dating scene is the complete sexual liberation of women. It's easier than ever to score. What I've noticed is that you have to be part of the "scene". If you are different, or too out of the mainstream, then they are too cautious.

If you are listening to all the right popular music (or pretending to), are keeping up with the cool movies, etc., and you keep in shape, you are 99% of the way there. Of course, there is a shortcut.

Get a dog.

I have a golden retriever and they are great dogs. You'll want a dog because single women who sleep around almost ALWAYS have dogs. They think of them as protection and companionship. In the old days, they would have had a man for that, and loved their children. Now, they just sleep around, and they have this big dumb animal to look after. It's perfect.

I've found that women with dogs are the ones who buy into the Sex & The City lifestyle the most. Women with cats are more realistic about human nature and seem to know when you are just there for sex. Women with dogs think of men as animals, humping and then off to do whatever they do - which works for a lot of women. I've know countless women who basically waited around for years for their long-term boyfriends to come over, fuck them, then disappear. They loved the relationship and couldn't ask for more.

Now you might think I'm going too far with this, but most of the women I've met have had boyfriends that weren't monogamous. In other words, they weren't loyal, but tried to fuck as many women as possible even while in a committed relationship - just like dogs running around the neighborhood.

Don't think women like nice guys or loyal guys. They save those guys for late in life when they are completely emotionally exhausted by all the games. Most of the time, they just want to get poked by a guy who only wants one thing before he moves on. Be that guy, and you'll have it made, dawg.

eHarmony and Match.com

Just for your information:

Match.com is for players and slutty girls. This can be a good thing. The Jewish girls I've met have been real psycho hose beasts - and I've met them all on Match.com. Match is like a high-quality version of Craiglist. If people have to pay, they are going to be a little higher quality than the herpes herds you'll find on a free site.

eHarmony I really have some good things to recommend. The women on that site area bit higher quality, but still looking for romance. The real difference with eHarmony is that the women are more often than not going into the service with the idea of getting married. Some are successful, but most are content to just have sex with players and move on until they find someone they are ready to settle with.

I have to say that its best to wait until one of these services offers you a sale price/discount, it comes along now and then and it's a much better value.

Recommended Reading

The Modern Savage.

This guy is very funny and very informative. I don't believe 100% of what he says, but it's good to read stuff from someone who is simply himself without being so PC about dating and sex and other topics.

Great read.

Sabine the German Teacher

This happened immediately after my divorce when I was trying to hook up as often as possible. I met a German teacher through Craigslist and we went out about six times before anything happened. She was just a lot of fun to be with, so I didn't press the sex issue.

So, after a couple bottles of Chardonnay and some music, we are in swimsuits at my place by the pool. We start making out and before we even get in the water, she wants to go inside. She gave me the worst blow job of my life; teeth, scraping, horrible. I finally just got up, pushed her down on the bed and fucked her missionary position until I got off. I remember she had these wonderful grapefruit sized tits and her body smelled wonderful. Her eyes were very pale light blue, it wsa like being with an oversized barbie doll.

To this day, I still have a very faint scar on my dick from that day. No girl I've ever dated has had such awful teeth. I think I saw her a few times after that day, but it wasn't anything I wanted to repeat in bed. It hurts even to think about that day.