Bubba

Bubba is one of our office salespeople who I still see now and again. He's a complete barhopper and loves going to strip joints - so I thought I'd add some comic relief to this blog and tell you about his experience.

Bubba left his wife for about six weeks in search of fun. She didn't care, he always came back, and most of the time, he was disease free and hadn't run up his credit cards. It was on this particular jaunt to Galveston, that stretch of highway with a long row of strip joints and XXX movie theatres. He went to three or four and found himself shitfaced at about 8pm having lapdances over and over with the same skinny old hooker.

"Oh honey, you're just beautiful! I ain't never seen someone so good-looking as you!" He goes on and on and begs her to show up for lunch the next day. And the next day, it was on.

Bubba gets up early, hangover or not he remembers that girl and can't wait to see her. In she staggers, to the restaurant they've chosen; old shoes, gray hair, bad teeth, and deep wrinkles.

Bubba gets up, says "You're old, and ugly.. I don't want nothin to do with this." and he goes out to his truck and drives off.

I wish he had gotten all that on film..

Living In The Past, Part II

Since doing my last post, I've heard from a lot of guys who read my blog (interoffice) who have had exactly the same experience. They hate it when their wives or girlfriends go on and on about how much fun they had with some guy. It's like a favorite topic of these women; they cannot see that it does incredible damage to a relationship.

Of course women don't see a problem, and frankly, don't care.

They are in love with love, reading, travel, good food, brief affairs with dirtbags, and of course their pets and children. Memories are more important than what is happening right now, and women love memories and the feelings they bring.

A guy that gets them drunk, then into bed, and has fun with them for two weeks before disappearing is a much happier memory. All they recall is the fun and falling in love. The guy who sticks around and has to work on the relationship; the give and take and so forth - he doesn't mean nearly as much as the short-term guy. That's why she remembers him so fondly, and the guy who sticks around is not nearly as exciting.

Apparently, this is a HUGE problem for guys who would rather bail on the relationship rather than continue hearing about how wonderful Mike was, or Greg, or Chris, or Aaron, or Rob. If she wants to endlessly talk about the guys that used her for sex and dumped her, she can do that with her girlfriends.

Now in my dating life, I ask questions to see where it goes. If I hear a lot of talk about some guy who was just incredible, wonderful, irreplaceable... then I move on quickly. It's just not worth the drama later on. From what I've heard, if she is into reliving memories daily, it takes about three years of a good relationship before she stops talking about how great it was to fuck all the dirtbags. If you are willing to wait up to three years for her to focus on you, then you have more staying power than I do. For most guys, it's just not worth it.

Living In The Past

Q: Agent 11, I have a girlfriend who seems to enjoy bragging about her past boyfriends. She dated this young attorney who from what I understand basically talked her into bed and fucked her for two weeks and then dumped her. They split up three years ago and she still talks about what a great guy he is - all these years later. He is mentioned at least three times a week.

But wait! It gets stupider. She also had a long-term boyfriend who did kitchen remodeling. She loved him and they almost got married. She talks about him daily and what a funny guy he was, and how she was so crushed when he dumped her. I ask her not to talk about him so much and she gets very offended and says I'm jealous.

Lately, she's been reliving memories of her first boyfriend Rick and how much she misses him. He died in a drunk driving accident (his fault) and not a day goes by without her having a quiet moment to remember him.

When we try to talk about this "living in the past" issue, she calls me a psycho and that I'm being hypersensitive. I tell her it's just a huge turnoff to have your girlfriend going on and on about past boyfriends. Am I being too sensitive or is she right in saying it's part of what she is, so she should talk about it?

A: You are still with this girl? Women who talk about other men to their current boyfriend or husband are not happy with the current partner. They miss something that the others gave her. In your case, it looks like she prefers the liars, cheaters and the reckless drunk driver. She likes bad boys only, and you don't fit the bill.

If it goes on more than a few weeks into the relationship, then you aren't filling her needs and she has to frequently go back into memories of other guys to feel satisfied. She's longing for the type of man she was always attracted to, and sadly, that ain't you.

My advice? Tell her you don't feel you can be in a relationship right now for whatever reason (depression, illness, boredom, anything...) and move on. She'll be back to the players and cheaters in no time, and you'll both be happier without each other.

Personal Space and Time

I've noticed something since I've been single for a while. I've noticed that I'm much more calm and focused. I'm able to work, to write and do things that I want to do. That isn't usually possible for me when I'm in an emotional/sexual relationship. When I do have a regular girlfriend, I seem to be doing a lot of things to make her happy, and a lot less things that make me happy.

For a time, I had a fantastic girlfriend that was very wealthy, but she would insist that I not work. She actually thought I would agree to being a kept man, so she tried to pressure me into not working. Of course, it would have meant an easy life with no financial worries, but it would have also meant that I would have been controlled.

A woman I was dating recently would cry at the end of dates. After going out for drinks and dinner, then a movie or tv and then sex, she would cry when I would go back to my place. It didn't make sense after it kept happening. I mean, it is understandable to be disappointed when someone doesn't stay overnight, but it's nutty to want to be together 24/7.

It's countless experiences like this that have changed my mind about relationships. I love women; the smell of them, the feel of them, the incredible shape of them. I really enjoy being with them, and everything about the experience; not just hanging out, but sex and arguing and being happy - you know, the whole experience. The difference is that I like having a place to go to when I need a break. I think a lot of men feel the same way I do, they want to have a place to go where they can collect their thoughts and have some personal space.

These days men are attacked for this impulse. They are laughed at for wanting a "man cave". It's nothing like wanting to withdraw from society. It's all about having some personal space where you can actually calmly think and be by yourself. Men don't want to do things that women want to do all the time; they don't want to be family men all the time. There has to be a release, a respite from the ordinary life. I think the absence of this makes it so much more appealing for men to cheat or have some secret double life that gives them some kind of adventurous experience.

The more men are denied personal space and time, the more they are going to fight commitment and relationships and continue being players and renegades.

Heather

Heather came into my life a few years ago and really knocked my socks off. This was a very athletic girl, somewhat short and stocky with big rounded breasts and a muscular butt. We were together about two weeks. She had a lot of emotional problems and needed to be in a relationship with a guy who would take care of her. Unluckily for her, I wasn't willing to take care of her and pay of her debts, etc.

We had a good time during a few weeks in the Summer. I was renting a nice place with a balcony out the back way. It overlooked a creek you could hear running from the inside of the house. I remember lying back with her on the bed. She loved getting rough and almost hitting and scratching. I warned her over and over again to knock it off, but she really belonged with someone a lot trashier who wanted to abuse her.

The reason I bring all this up?

Heather showed up a few nights ago. Of course I'm with Ashleigh now and having a good time with her. So, with Ashley away for a few days, I was poking Heather again which was really stupid. She gets to my emotions; not just because I care for her, because clearly I don't. I think it's because she needs someone, anyone, to take care of her and nobody is up for the job, which is why she goes from one guy to the next looking for someone to take care of her. It's pretty sad, and she'll be all used up, crazy and bitter when she finally meets someone who will put up with her. By then, he may not have the patience to do everything needed.

I guess that is why I'm averse to being in a relationship. I enjoy it when I find a girl who is willing to compromise, but most of the time they aren't. Most of the time they are always wanting to take charge, spend too much money, go on long vacations, etc. It's never about us, but mostly about her and how she looks to her friends. Oh well, I need to forget about Heather and move on. Still, it was difficult this time.

My One Time Being Fooled

Her name was Eve. We were chatting online and she seemed so normal; about my age, very easy-going and ready to enjoy a night out.

I arrive at a more than expensive place and see what I thought was this girl's mother. No, it was her. I sat down and told the waiter to wait. I asked her why she didn't tell me how old she was. Eve started getting nervous. She said, "I just flirt with men so they will take me out to dinner. Besides, I have a two-for-one coupon."

I don't enjoy getting scammed. That ended with me getting up and leaving. I did meet another girl under similar circumstances who admitted she lied about her weight. She was over 300 pounds and nasty looking. I told her I wasn't happy, but she was so funny, I agreed to have lunch with her and it was a memorable experience. Still, it's just so much better when they tell the truth up front.

Nice Guys Win in the End

I've seen lots of online discussion about the "nice guy" problem. While it's true that there are some guys who are so painfully nice that they cannot even get dates, there are a lot of decent guys who treat women with respect, who never meet women interested in a relationship, or even just a few days of sex.

These are the guys who work hard and try to do the right thing. They are always upstaged by the slick players and "life of the party" types. Women talk about these SFL (save for later) guys as if they are so cute in their cluelessness. These guys rarely have a chance with the really hot girls. Most of the time, the hot girls are humping away on the players, getting used and hurt, getting a sexually transmitted disease and basically being shit on by the players and liars.

The discussion about this always ends with a pep talk to the "nice guys". The women who are still fucking their way through the players and married cheaters tell the nice guys not to give up hope, that someday, something will happen for them and some girl will really like them.

The basic message is for you decent guys to "hang in there" so after she has sexually serviced all the guys who don't deserve her, you can take care of her and pay her bills, but don't expect much in the way of love or sex, she gave all the best of herself to guys who couldn't care less about her. Don't ever commit to a woman like this. I've dated these types, even lived with them, but when they press for commitment, I leave. They don't deserve someone who will be good to them if they've spent a lifetime getting hurt and betrayed.

It's not a matter of them making bad choices, they choose what they really want. They don't want you if you are a nice guy, they want the scumbags, so treat them that way. Have sex with them, then disappear after a few weeks. If you stick around and be kind to them, they won't know how to handle it.

Nice guys don't win in the end. They are the ones left over after the women have made many years of the worst possible choices. You are only there to help soothe her emotions - and heal her broken heart. You get almost nothing in return. She's given her best years to others, and her heart still beats for some guy who cheated on her or beat her up. That's the reality, nice guy, get used to it.

I've Decided to Do It

I'm moving in with a girlfriend simply because she is wealthy. I don't really love her, but I do enjoy her company. She's wealthy beyond belief and I think it might be a good idea to land there for a while until I get my income back up over six figures.

Most of the time I wouldn't recommend doing this, as a lot of women become very controlling and possessive and want to dictate what you do every day. It can become a major hassle and there are not a lot of people who will respect you. The sex? I don't know, it can seem like a chore, but everything else is good. I wonder if I should complete my novel?

It is based on my years of being a con-artist, and I am very prolific writer if not a very good one. It could be interesting...

Anyway, just random posts for a while. Have to pay some bills. Keep the faith.

The Texter... And Other News

I have an old hookup that won't take me off her text messenger list. For some reason, my Yahoo messenger won't allow me to block her out, so I guess I'm stuck with her daily texts for now. She keeps sending me messages about how she never had an orgasm until me, which I don't believe, just thinking she wants to get together again.

In other news, the texter was irritating me until another text popped in from Emma, a great hookup from a few months ago. She was hurt that I didn't call her back and has been waiting for me to call. So, I called, and we are booked for dinner tonight.

I really like her, but I think I'm getting into a situation where she wants to be with me in a relationship, but I'm just not doing that now. Too many people are still just doing the hookup thing for me to take any woman seriously.

Oh well, that's it for now. Have a good weekend.

Yes, OK, I Recommend Condoms

Most of my six readers give me a hard time about my crazy single life. I admit I'm just having fun with women, and the majority of them know I'm not serious about ever wanting a relationship. I'm not being serious at all. Still, I have to recommend using protection. I've never had an STD and I'm not about to expose myself to one. Use condoms and try to get to understand how trashy or how clean your partners are. Most people are nasty, so be careful.

I only had one scare with no-condom sex. I was with this Jewish girl and woke up the next day with a big knot right next to my dick. I was so angry. I thought she had given me herpes. It was a small town and I told everyone I knew that XXXXX had given me herpes. Well, she hadn't. The doctor looked at it and told me it was a spider bite. I'd never been so relieved in my life.

Close call, I know... Wear condoms, it can save you a lot of headaches.

The Wrong Kind of Girl

Hailey is the kind of girl you wish there were millions of when you are young. I met Hailey on an online service - you know the kind where you are too lazy to get out and meet people so you go online.. Yep, that's what I did.

Anyway, so I meet Hailey for a late date after dinner and we just split a bottle of wine and talk. She's short and stocky but with great tits and a perfectly formed butt. We must have had two glasses of wine when we start kissing. We are watching Death Sentence with Kevin Bacon, and I'm into the movie...but, but, okay - so we go back to the bedroom and all her clothes are off very quickly. I think to put on a condom, she was trashy and we had the best sex I can remember. She was so into it, and got off just watching me get off underneath her. Her legs were so short she had to sort of squat over me and spin on top of me. It was almost too intense - like the kind of sex you have when you have a headache afterwards.

She's texted me about five times today so I think I'll see her again this weekend. It was fun, but I think I need to back away from this one pretty quickly...or maybe not.

Nice Guys Beware!!

I've learned in the dating world that if you are a nice guy type; meaning not a cheater, player or liar, then you have your own set of problems. My dating plan is just to have fun. I've been in a traditional marriage and didn't cheat. I was honest and cooperative and realized I married someone who only cared about money and being able to stop working immediately.

If you treat women with respect and be honest with them, they will very often "play" you. They will let rotten guys get away with everything. They will forgive the cheating, the emotional abuse, even physical abuse. But as a "nice guy" you can't slip up one time. If you have to suddenly cancel a date for business reasons, she will be furious, but she will forgive the jerk for cheating. If you wear the wrong suit to her sister's wedding, she will hate you, but she'll forgive the jerk for giving her a black eye.

Remember also that she had sex with Mr. Jackass on the second date, and you had to do the stupid courtship thing for week after week.

Don't let her do this to you. If you aren't having sex by the 3rd or 4th date, dump her. If she uses emotion to manipulate you, and you find yourself going to parties you hate, or not able to work as much because of her demands on your time, you might want to move on to a new woman, or even take a break for a while.

Of course, if you act like a player, and behave in a way that seems like you just don't care, she will respect you a whole lot more. Just be careful. If she has learned to be in relationships with assholes, she plays hardball. Nice guys get fucked over when battle-hardened women are involved.

They Are More Wild Than You Are

The one thing I've learned in my dating life is that women sleep around as much as men do. In my single years, I've always gotten into bed very early with women who had just gotten out of a relationship with another guy. It's always the same, we go on three dates, then I tell them I like them as a friend, but clearly we aren't ever going to have sex. On the very next date, we are in bed together. Usually, I find out later that two weeks before we met, they were screwing someone else. Of course they won't tell you this...

Anyway, you'll learn that lots of women after a certain age are dying to have sex as often as possible, even with guys that they would never have dreamed of dating when they were younger. This is why I'm not serious about any woman I date. They are so beat up emotionally and mentally, that it's best just to have sex, have fun, and then when things start to turn into a relationship, it's time break things off.

It's sad, but it's true. It used to be that women didn't fuck every guy to buy them a drink, but that's the way it is now (or close to it). I've taken home over 20 women in the last six years for one-nighters, as well as having four close long-term relationships. Back in the old days, women held out for a long time to make sure the guy was sincere. That doesn't happen now. If they've screwed around with a lot of guys, it just means no guy is special to them.

Remember to have fun, but don't commit unless you are absolutely certain she really is a good girl. Have fun, move on.

Dating Someone With Children, NO!!!

As my readers know, I was married for a great number of years, and had a very traditional marriage. I have a daughter from that marriage who is very intelligent and mild mannered. We get along as well as two grown adults. She is very perceptive and intelligent and I never have to call her out on any behavior.

When I've dated women with children of a similar age, the children are always horribly behaved. They are very nearly depraved. They tell lies, they make false accusations against men they don't want their mothers dating, and the end result is always destructive. I've had discussions with such women, but have only slipped up and started sleeping with one just once. Once was all I needed. When the daughter was introduced to me, the father suddenly flipped out and went to the police to issue an amber alert. The police came to my house and interviewed me. Nothing happened, of course, but I learned the hard way that dating a woman with a child is dangerous.

My daughter asked what all the fuss was about. I explained to her that lots of people cannot manage their own lives, and so police and social workers are often called in to sort out the mess. I haven't seen that woman again, and she was upset that I broke things off, but sometimes people have to face the reality that their children probably need to be given up - if they are so badly behaved that everyone's life goes "on hold" until they grow up and go away.

Do not date anyone with a child, unless the child lives with the father most of the time. Wait, that's not even a safe plan - just don't date anyone with children unless they are grown up and have moved on.

Where Are All the Nice Guys?

Here is a quick overview to let you know what women really want.

1. For sex or a short-term relationship, women want a player. They want a guy who is confident, flatters them, or gets drunk with them. Nice guys can score with women all the time. Just keep dating and keep moving until they give in. It's just a numbers game as far as sex. To increase your chances, be confident, get into conversations and relax around women.

2. For relationships and marriage, women want a jerk. They want someone to order them around and be firm with them. Sex isn't so important. Women want a guy who knows he is in charge and that she is subordinate. Never believe the lies that women want a nice, egalitarian relationship. It doesn't work. I've been in relationships that always had tension or didn't work out because I'm easygoing and it's not important for me to always be in charge. Most women need this. They need a man who shouts and slams doors, rarely does chores and insists on always being in charge, especially when he is wrong about something.

3. If you are a "nice guy", you will have to find a woman who is just as easy-going as you are. If you find a traditional woman, she won't respect you in a relationship. They always want the arrogant and aggressive guys in marriage. That means lots of nice guys can simply use women for short-term relationships then move on.

I know it's a little strange when our educational system tries to pound the masculinity out of boys, drugging them with Ritalin and putting them in behavioral classes. Don't take the wrong lesson from life. Women want any guy with a smile and a drink in their hand for sex. For marriage or a relationship, he has to be a traditional dominating man, or the marriage won't last - or worse, it will be sexless, joyless and empty.

So much better to stay single I'd say.

Dating Disasters

Most of us who have been "out there" know that a lot of women are not really fit to be in a relationship. For many reasons, they are good candidates to pump and dump - if you know what I mean. Of course, that can be a good thing. I like dating the high-powered career chick types because they always seem to let their ego get in the way of being happy. This means we have a great time having sex and they get to fall in love again, then I leave when they try to take control or push me around.

Here are some of my wonderful dating disasters with high-powered career chicks:

• I agreed to meet a good-looking English girl on a date as long as it wasn't too crowded. I showed up at the place and it was a tourist trap, a huge coffee shop with easily 300 people inside and out. I never found her. Later, she complained that I didn't look long enough.
• I dated a woman for a month who was great in bed and we really had fun, but her ex-boyfriend called about four times a day and she couldn't stop talking about him. That became tiresome quickly.
• Another one had been dumped by a friend-with-benefits. He got married and moved away. I dated her for three weeks, but she was still hung up on him and talked about him every single day.
• I dated a Jewish girl who never watched television, never caught the news, just watched old DVD movies over and over. Her entire life was spent talking about her wonderful life as the ex-wife of a guy who ran a pawn shop. That didn't last.

The wonderful thing about these girls is that they have such a big ego, they do the work for you. If they are so important, and you are so small and insignificant, then these are the ones where it is appropriate to break up by email, text, or letter. You don't have to do all that drama of breaking up in person after two weeks of hot sex.

Chicks with Dogs

The great thing about the dating scene is the complete sexual liberation of women. It's easier than ever to score. What I've noticed is that you have to be part of the "scene". If you are different, or too out of the mainstream, then they are too cautious.

If you are listening to all the right popular music (or pretending to), are keeping up with the cool movies, etc., and you keep in shape, you are 99% of the way there. Of course, there is a shortcut.

Get a dog.

I have a golden retriever and they are great dogs. You'll want a dog because single women who sleep around almost ALWAYS have dogs. They think of them as protection and companionship. In the old days, they would have had a man for that, and loved their children. Now, they just sleep around, and they have this big dumb animal to look after. It's perfect.

I've found that women with dogs are the ones who buy into the Sex & The City lifestyle the most. Women with cats are more realistic about human nature and seem to know when you are just there for sex. Women with dogs think of men as animals, humping and then off to do whatever they do - which works for a lot of women. I've know countless women who basically waited around for years for their long-term boyfriends to come over, fuck them, then disappear. They loved the relationship and couldn't ask for more.

Now you might think I'm going too far with this, but most of the women I've met have had boyfriends that weren't monogamous. In other words, they weren't loyal, but tried to fuck as many women as possible even while in a committed relationship - just like dogs running around the neighborhood.

Don't think women like nice guys or loyal guys. They save those guys for late in life when they are completely emotionally exhausted by all the games. Most of the time, they just want to get poked by a guy who only wants one thing before he moves on. Be that guy, and you'll have it made, dawg.

eHarmony and Match.com

Just for your information:

Match.com is for players and slutty girls. This can be a good thing. The Jewish girls I've met have been real psycho hose beasts - and I've met them all on Match.com. Match is like a high-quality version of Craiglist. If people have to pay, they are going to be a little higher quality than the herpes herds you'll find on a free site.

eHarmony I really have some good things to recommend. The women on that site area bit higher quality, but still looking for romance. The real difference with eHarmony is that the women are more often than not going into the service with the idea of getting married. Some are successful, but most are content to just have sex with players and move on until they find someone they are ready to settle with.

I have to say that its best to wait until one of these services offers you a sale price/discount, it comes along now and then and it's a much better value.

Recommended Reading

The Modern Savage.

This guy is very funny and very informative. I don't believe 100% of what he says, but it's good to read stuff from someone who is simply himself without being so PC about dating and sex and other topics.

Great read.

Sabine the German Teacher

This happened immediately after my divorce when I was trying to hook up as often as possible. I met a German teacher through Craigslist and we went out about six times before anything happened. She was just a lot of fun to be with, so I didn't press the sex issue.

So, after a couple bottles of Chardonnay and some music, we are in swimsuits at my place by the pool. We start making out and before we even get in the water, she wants to go inside. She gave me the worst blow job of my life; teeth, scraping, horrible. I finally just got up, pushed her down on the bed and fucked her missionary position until I got off. I remember she had these wonderful grapefruit sized tits and her body smelled wonderful. Her eyes were very pale light blue, it wsa like being with an oversized barbie doll.

To this day, I still have a very faint scar on my dick from that day. No girl I've ever dated has had such awful teeth. I think I saw her a few times after that day, but it wasn't anything I wanted to repeat in bed. It hurts even to think about that day.

Last Summer

Ok, this was a bad one... I met this woman named Jennifer online. She was a manufacturer's rep, had one kid and was ready to start dating again. We had a good conversation, but I could tell when we met for coffee that it was not going well. I told her about my marriage and how it ended and that seemed alright to her. Then she told me she had been married but it was like no chemistry at all. It was as though she had married her brother. Not good.

Next she told me how she met a complete neanderthal. You know, the type women complain about, but are lining up to have sex with. This guy was a complete jerk, fat, ugly, farting all the time. He would go to work with egg on his chin and sleep in his eyes. He cheated on her over and over again, but she still loved him. Finally, he just got bored and moved out.

She told me I was the best looking guy she'd ever been on a date with, but that didn't matter. She didn't feel I was the right type, and there was no chemistry.

I was glad she came to that conclusion. I wasn't interested at all. When a woman has EVER had any attraction at all to a neanderthal type, it means she doesn't want you, and she's really been with lots of guys. I've had several women employees just start shaking with lust when our janitor comes around, even though he looks like he's half-gorilla.

Sometimes I really don't understand women. This would be one of those times.

Thursday Evening Comic

The "Meet at My Hotel Room" Thing

I did go out with a girl who had been at the same Microsoft symposium with me in Los Angeles. She was total granola - meaning she was very much an environmentalist type, no makeup, ruddy complexion, but really a funny girl. We had a very good time laughing it up and having fun at the convention, but when we got back to the bar, I realized I had no attraction to her at all. She got me to come up to her room and we had the TV on and started making out. So, while I'm kissing her and running my hands up and down her body, I'm very strongly imagining one of the hot girls from Caliente on spanish TV.

I'm really making out now and starting to get into the mood, and she asks, "why are your eyes closed?"

"I guess I just automatically close my eyes, it's just all a physical thing to me." I said, and we got back into it. We had been drinking which helped a lot. Finally I got my boxers off and got on top of her pushing her sundress all the way up. I rubbed the tip of my dick against her wetness, and she was very wet. When I pushed into her, she gasped and really got into it. It was really good sex and my first impulse was wrong. She rolled me over soon and got on top, humping away and massaging her tits, playing with her nipples as I lay back and enjoyed the ride.

It was a very sweet afternoon. She admitted later that she was married and showed me a photo of a small pudgy guy with a bald head and what looked like no self-esteem. I felt bad about it for a while, but then again, she didn't tell me she was married and I didn't ask.

Lady Bodybuilder

When I was living in Los Angeles directly after my divorce, I started dating almost immediately. I wasn't as selective as I should have been, and there were many drunken nights with many drunken sluts. I think I helped Trojan cut a bigger profit that year.

One of the "maybe I shouldn't do this" girls was a bodybuilder named Lisa. She had sent me a photo of herself in full workout mode and I wasn't attracted, but had never even spoken to bodybuilder chick before, so we did go out to lunch. We went to this high priced place in Santa Monica and she was wearing a little outfit with her tummy showing. Now I thought I was fit, but she was iron woman. It was a little weird, but as she talked about how she worked out different parts of her body, I started to get interested. As we walked out, I asked to see her again, and we made plans to go out again, but for dinner this time.

The very next night, I met her at her apartment in Woodland Hills on Topanga Canyon. At the door, she was wearing another one of those small outfits. We were both happy to see each other and I gave her a hug. I pulled back a little and said "can I have a kiss?" and we started kissing. I was turned on but the muscles were a little strange. She had great tits as most of these muscle women have implants. I ran my fingers over her tummy and brushed against her bellybutton which was as hard as a rock.

We paused to have a drink and then got right into the bedroom, putting our wine glasses down on the dresser. It's weird, but a really fit girl seems to have a lot more of her private parts on the outside. It's like more of the labia pokes straight out. Still, it was all good on the inside. It was too strange for me in the end. We fucked and fucked for about 40 minutes. I finally got off (without a condom, bad, bad, bad), but I didn't want to repeat the performance.

About a day later I called her and told her I couldn't see her again as I was unexpectedly taking a job in San Jose. That ended it, but at least I know what it's like to have sex with a she-monster.

Great Advice for Dating from a Party Girl

Here's a girl who has spent her adult life sampling different penises, and probably looks the part. She goes on and about dating experiences, things she likes, etc. Whatever.

She does offer us some good advice. She says in the above linked post that women want the unknown, want the dangerous or mysterious. I've seen this work in person. Women get very excited if you:

• speak a few words of a foreign language
• tell them you are a writer, or musician is even better
• let them know you have (or don't) a chemical imbalance/mental issues
• were successful, are down on your luck, but are creating a new company

This kind of stuff gets women hot and bothered. Being an artistic type, crazy, a little sophisticated...it gets them hot and bothered. Anyway, check out the link, it is good advice on what makes women get into a man.

High Powered Career Chicks

For you guys in your 20s and 30s, there is a segment of the dating population you should be aware of: The high-powered career chick (or HPCC). These women are excellent dating material. These are the women who have supervisory positions in companies, maybe are division directors in government agencies, or are insurance agents, real estate agents, etc.

The HPCC is exceptionally good for one-night stands and short-term relationships lasting anywhere from a week to 90 days. Why are they so good? Here's some pointers:

• A HPCC will only marry a high-status guy. Even if she has to wait until age 40 and settle for a 60-year old millionaire, that is what she will do. So, she's not looking for marriage with an ordinary guy.
• She's human after all, and like most younger women, her body is nagging at her for sex and babies. You can supply the first category. Besides she needs to get off, but she wants the high-status guys to give her babies. It's perfect for a smooth player to move in and enjoy her before she gets older and loses her looks.
• HPCC's typically have monster egos. This means she will think less of you as a human being even when you are on top of her giving her the high hard one. It also makes it easy to break up with her. Even if she is a HPCC, she is still fragile because she is a woman. Tell her you just aren't feeling the chemistry anymore and move on fast.
  

There are so many HPCCs now, especially with shows like Sex & The City celebrating that type of life. High earning, high status women banging lots of guys before settling down with someone controllable. Yeah, enjoy them and have fun. Don't stay too long, and don't tie them down so they can be available for Mr. Right when he comes along.

Guest Contributor: One Afternoon Stand

My coworker Darren has a dating story to relate. His spelling and writing is terrible, so I've cleaned it up a bit:

I had sex with this black chick at her apartment. I didn't pick her up but I was at the grocery store and she hit my car, not enough to dent it but I noticed. Later she kept seeing me and bumping her cart into mine. I was being so stupid I didn't even realize it. She kept following me so I asked her what her problem was and she asked if I would come back to her place.

We went back to her place and it was dirty. My feet were sticking to the floor. She took me right back to her bed. It was dark and I was glad because it really didn't smell good in there. Finally we got undressed, started making out and the second I got off, I just got up and put my pants on and hurried out. I still can't believe I don't have AIDS.

People say I'm promiscuous, but I'm always careful. I only really sleep with upper middle class white and asian girls. Darren is frickin' crazy. More of his stories later on.

Get Laid Fast

Sorry about all the random posts, but people are throwing a lot of ideas at me...

My writers group and I were talking about all the Get Laid Fast books and what that scene is all about. I have to admit I'd never read one, but they do seem to be hot sellers. The premise of all these books is to be social and have fun with women without trying to get them into bed.

They are all pep-talk books and will teach the very shy to be LESS shy and get out there and have fun. Women don't always need to have sex, but they enjoy talking to guys and having fun over drinks. If you can be very comfortable and smooth with women during happy hour, when they do want to take someone home, you'll be one of their options.

I don't think most guys need these little advice books. If you keep yourself clean and well-groomed - and keep your weight at a normal/average level, you won't have trouble finding sex out there. Be friendly, work out all your psychological baggage, look for drunk girls or girls who want to get drunk. Go for the easy sex first, then you can work on getting sober girls, or good girls later on.

Craigslist Hassles

So, not too long ago, I was on Craigslist, not really looking for someone to date, just messing with women to see how nutty they are.

I found this one, with a photo, of a girl a few years younger than me in a business shirt and hot pink jeans. She said "Are you the one for me?" in her caption and I thought it might be fun to see how she would react to an answer.

I wrote to her saying "I think you are the one for me. Want to talk? No expectations, would just like to meet you."

She wrote back:

"Who are you? Why would you think you are the one for me? You aren't any different from any other guy looking for a pump and dump."

So, that didn't go well.

Requested Memory

Someone has requested a story that I hadn't thought about in a long time. I've been relatively promiscuous since my divorce and have no intentions of remarrying, but I was a little wild when I was young. I'm pretty careful, but there is one time I wasn't.

I was at a party in Port Aransas on the Texas coast. It was hot and steamy, but the wind was blowing enough in the late afternoon where we weren't being bombarded by mosquitoes. The party itself was a end of semester thing from Bob, my friend since high school. As the music got louder at the condo, everyone was doing shots. I remember getting really drunk and some girls from Texas A&M came over. They were also pretty drunk. I started making out with this really attractive blonde with pizza breath - something that would have grossed me out at any other time. Still, we were drinking our punch and kissing. I told her we should go get some ice and took her right upstairs and threw her on the bed. She was laughing and rolling around.

I got on top of her and started kissing her. She says, "So, we're just going to do it?" I smiled and said, "You want to?" and we got undressed fast and just started fucking. I was so drunk the room was spinning and I think I got off pretty fast. She wasn't there when I woke up about ten hours later, so I don't know how things wrapped up or even what her name was.

That was the only date I had that ended in anonymous sex. Later on I realized how dangerous it was, and checked myself to see if I had caught anything. So, yes, to those of you who asked if I had done it with a stranger, yes, I have.

Ex-Husband Was Just Too Wonderful

Someone asked me the other day if I'd date a black girl. I have. I dated a girl named...wait for it...Priscilla. I know, but she was great fun to be with. She was totally black, not like Vanessa Williams or anything, but a really black/black girl. She was very thin and had the softest butt. I remember it was great sex, but the DANGER light was flashing. She was 37 and wanted a child really badly. I always wore a condom, otherwise I might be paying child support now.

Anyway, so I do have an experience to relate that happened about 3 years ago. I went on a date with a woman named Kirsten. She was very relaxed and easy to talk with. We met and went to a beachside restaurant where we had oysters and wine, everything was good. Except...

After a few minutes she started talking about her ex-husband who was black. I didn't care either way, but she went on and on and on about him. Oh, he suffered so much oppression, so much racism. I asked what he did for a living. She said he was a top executive with Total, the gas station/petroleum company.

It was a good lunch and she gave me a full-contact hug at the end of the date, but I was glad it ended right there. She did send me an email saying later that she was going through old photos of her and her husband, thinking about his cheating and abuse, wondering if she could ever be with him again. I just wished her luck and put a block on her email.

Least Memorable Date

I had this one girl hound me for the longest time. Her name was Paige, and she was very interested in me for some reason. She was a little on the thick side for me, but not what you would call fat. She had white hair and very fair skin, almost an albino but not quite, but attractive enough where most guys would go out with her.

I pick her up in my Mustang. She says, "My roommate is doing a background check on you right now. I also expect you to really spend money on me."

I circled the block and dropped her off.

Total disrespect from the first date. There wasn't a second date.

Leslie at Hogg Auditorium

I love old theatres with the huge screens and balconies. It sort of captures the mood of the grand old days of cinema. There is an old theatre like this at the University of Texas in Austin.

I used to love taking dates there. This girl I met was a teaching assistant in one of the language schools; I wanted to take her to that old theatre. She was short, about five feet tall, but stocky with some serious curves. This isn't a girl you would ever say was beautiful, but she really was striking. She had the most beautiful face with dark eyes and wavy black hair.

We had been out on one date to a sub shop and had really had a good time. She wasn't into humor as much as I am, but she loved talking about languages. When she discovered I speak Spanish as well as English, that won her over.

It was a good date for talking, but when I dropped her off, she stood on her front door step and we were close to being face to face. I looked at her and we both knew there was some serious chemistry. We started kissing on the front porch and she gave me some tongue almost immediately. We were both hot and bothered, but she went inside and I went home. Two days later we met at the same sandwich shop again and got a large sandwich to go.

We got our tickets to a documentary called What Happened to Kerouac? and started watching and eating. After about 35 minutes and sharing a big gulp, the movie really started dragging. I mean, Kerouac was a beat writer and some cool things happened to him, but sheesh, it got dull.

Leslie and I started kissing and touching each other. Her neck was salty and sweet. I reached under her shirt and gently played with her tits. We looked around us and nobody was in the balcony so I unzipped my pants and pulled out my raging hard on. Leslie got on top of me and lowered her dress down over us as I moved down in my seat. She took me and as I felt myself going inside of her I almost got off right then and there. I was glad the seats were so damn old and uncomfortable or I would have only last 30 seconds. It was fantastic sex. We fucked for about ten minutes and I got off hard. I've never liked going to the movies as much as that day.

When we left, there were two fat chicks laughing and looking at us, but even if they saw us together, it was from too far away. I loved that date. Unfortunately, I didn't see her again. She got back together with a bearded liberal boyfriend and I guess I was just used for a fling.

Pick-Up Artists

I really don't follow the guys who say they can do any girl any time. There is an advantage in having a different approach, though. This is how I can always close the deal in 4 dates. One or two dates PLUS alcohol is an easy girl. If you want a girl who is really ready to go and not just lie there drunk, you have to do things a little differently.

1. Always have confidence and say hello WITH eye contact and a smile. Women are always having guys come on to them (unless they are 300 pounds), so don't come on too strongly.
   
2. Your attention should always be on something else. Women want to be pursued, but they also ONLY respond to the guys who seem a little harder to get. Let the other guys continually come on to her, you just focus on the conversation with other guys, or talk to her ugly friend.
   
3. Instead of asking her to go back to your place, ask if she would like to go for a walk and have a conversation. This works. It gives them time to see you aren't a jerk.

I always "close the deal" within the first three or four dates. Women who have been in long-term relationships usually take about 4 dates. Women who date a lot will give it up in 3 dates or less. Alcohol isn't important, but it can help. I fell into a pattern in my dating very quickly.

I would meet a girl for lunch and have a good conversation. Then we would see a movie, go to the motorcycle show, or just do something fun. I even once took a very intellectual girl to the university museum. On the second or third date, I will start making out with her. Kissing is mandatory on the second date, but I try to get things going sexually as quickly as possible. Almost always, they put me off and I act like it's okay to wait.

On date 3 or 4, we'll get into a situation where we're having fun, laughing, chilling out watching a movie at her place or mine. I'll start kissing her and then say something like, "You know I really like you, but I know I'm more of a friend to you than anything more. I don't mind if the relationship is only G-rated."

That comment will surprise them. They won't know what to think about it. They are still dating me so where should things go? If they just want to be friends, why are we kissing and making out?

If that doesn't throw them enough, I say, "I don't have a big ego. I know you've probably dated better guys than me, but I love hanging out with you. Were you thinking we wouldn't be good together?"

After that comment, I usually get them back to the bed about 80% of the time. I was dating this girl named Lisa who wasn't ready for sex with me, but she panicked at the idea that we would only be friends and she really wanted a relationship. It was weird in bed but after about fifteen minutes of different positions and touching her all over during sex, she was convinced she made the right decision. It's a lot like sales, you have to tell them what to do, then reassure them they made the right decision.

Be confident, don't come on too strong. Ask for dates. You really don't want the skanks that fuck on the first date. Don't go buying anything from a pick-up artist to teach you how to date. Just keep asking girls out and trying things. Be positive, take rejection with a smile, and ask if they have friends who might want to date "a loser like me". Trash talking yourself works too. Remember, the goal is to score as often as possible with a wide variety of women.

Heather

Last Summer I got together with this girl named Heather. She was good looking, but a little on the quirky side. We met on one of the online sites and I told her I was looking for a long-term relationship, which is what you say when you want to find women for sex who are a little less trampy than most of the ones out there.

Anyway, so Heather is about 5'4 and has big round grapefruit sized tits and a perfect rounded butt. She wasn't perfect, but attractive, sort of like Le Chiffre's girlfriend in Casino Royale, but not quite as perfect as that girl.

Anyway, the first night we get together, we have white wine with dinner and I take her back to my place. I got out my guitar and started playing one of the three riffs I know, a little run from Since I've Been Loving You from Led Zeppelin III. After a few minutes, she almost insists that we go to my bed and start getting into it. I was tired and decided to wait. I put her off and we watched some TV.

So, we decide to sleep in my bed together, but no sex. We drift off and I remember having this wild dream about a nerdy girl from high school named Anne. I'm dreaming that she's on top of me and humping my lights out. It is so good and I wake up and it's really happening, but it's Heather.

She says, "There you are. I'm surprised you didn't wake up when I was using my mouth."

Remember this is a first date. I got into things and we did it for about twenty minutes until I got off. Sex the next morning was even better. We had just taken a shower together. She came back from the kitchen with a glass of orange juice and sat back on the bed. She jostled the glass and spilled some on her stomach. As she reached over to put the glass down on the end table, I started kissing and licking the orange juice off her stomach. When I went lower and licked her bellybutton, she tensed up and gasped. That was the sweet spot for her. Almost every time we had sex, she's want me to kiss her tummy to get her warmed up.

The other interesting thing about Heather was that she was in really good shape, sort of a Mary Lou Retton with huge tits, but it was the first girl I had sex with that had done a hysterectomy. It was a good fit, almost too much stimulation all the way from base to tip. It was so intense that about half the time I had one of those high-blood pressure headaches right after sex. I even bought one of those pressure monitors during the time I was with her.

We were together a few weeks until I met her kid, a totally out of control boy with a lot of anger issues. I told her I had never seen a kid like that and it wouldn't work in my life. She stayed in touch with me for months afterward, hoping things would work out, but the kid thing was a deal breaker.

Jewish Girls

I had a fantastic two month relationship with this girl named Linda. We met at one of those outdoor Italian cafe restaurants; you know the type, very romantic, but very expensive. (Photo isn't her, just looks a lot like her. I'm into visual aids. :-)

For some reason, we started having glass after glass of wine and laughing it up over the most silly things. She was cute, but I knew she was easy, so I wanted to maybe slow things down. After the third glass of wine and people around us laughing at all the sexual innuendo, we got in my car and went back to my townhouse. We opened a bottle of Chianti and put on an old Fellini film. We were kissing and touching each other. I took off my shirt and got on top of her. We both made some stupid jokes and I laughed so hard I fell off the sofa.

Nothing had happened so far and we paused to watch a scene in the movie. I told her I had to go to the bathroom what with all the wine we had. She said "Ok, but don't come out of the bathroom naked."

I went down the hall and of course came out of the bathroom naked. She was irritated with me, but couldn't stop looking. We joked around a little more and I put my pants back on. Then we had a few seconds of looking at each other lustfully and I took her back to the bedroom and we were doing it within about 3 minutes. It was weird as I hadn't done a first-dater in a long time, but it was incredible. Like they say, there is nothing better than boozy sex.

I dated her for about 9 weeks. It was always great sex and drinking too much. Then one day we had a major argument and she asked me to leave during the day (about 4pm) and I was trashed. I told her I'd be happy to leave, but could I arrange for a ride? When I couldn't wait and had to simply drive away very drunk, it was the last straw.

She called me and begged me to come by one last time. I stopped into her insurance agency and in the back office, she asked me to put my fingers inside of her. It was all too much and she was just too trashy so I took off. I do remember those weeks happily. Like they say, sometimes the "wrong" kind of girl is the "right" kind of girl. If you know what I mean.

My Situation

I'm 35 and totally single. I will never get married again because I have been through all the traditional experiences I ever hope to have. It's just not something I'm interested in living with, just visiting if you know what I mean. Besides, only the players and cheaters really enjoy women.