Q: Agent 11, I have a girlfriend who seems to enjoy bragging about her past boyfriends. She dated this young attorney who from what I understand basically talked her into bed and fucked her for two weeks and then dumped her. They split up three years ago and she still talks about what a great guy he is - all these years later. He is mentioned at least three times a week.
But wait! It gets stupider. She also had a long-term boyfriend who did kitchen remodeling. She loved him and they almost got married. She talks about him daily and what a funny guy he was, and how she was so crushed when he dumped her. I ask her not to talk about him so much and she gets very offended and says I'm jealous.
Lately, she's been reliving memories of her first boyfriend Rick and how much she misses him. He died in a drunk driving accident (his fault) and not a day goes by without her having a quiet moment to remember him.
When we try to talk about this "living in the past" issue, she calls me a psycho and that I'm being hypersensitive. I tell her it's just a huge turnoff to have your girlfriend going on and on about past boyfriends. Am I being too sensitive or is she right in saying it's part of what she is, so she should talk about it?
A: You are still with this girl? Women who talk about other men to their current boyfriend or husband are not happy with the current partner. They miss something that the others gave her. In your case, it looks like she prefers the liars, cheaters and the reckless drunk driver. She likes bad boys only, and you don't fit the bill.
If it goes on more than a few weeks into the relationship, then you aren't filling her needs and she has to frequently go back into memories of other guys to feel satisfied. She's longing for the type of man she was always attracted to, and sadly, that ain't you.
My advice? Tell her you don't feel you can be in a relationship right now for whatever reason (depression, illness, boredom, anything...) and move on. She'll be back to the players and cheaters in no time, and you'll both be happier without each other.
